The Kirk Cameron Repertory Players

Are you prepared to… …acknowledge that the Harry...

Fri, 15 Jul 2011 12:16:00 -0400

Are you prepared to…

…acknowledge that the Harry Potter books are filled with evil?

…change your life??

…go to hell if you don’t see this show???

Of course you are!

Because The Kirk Cameron Repertory Players Present: A Harry Potter Musical! is tonight at 7:30 PM at The Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre!

Starring:
Michael Kayne
Ryan Dunkin
Sarah Claspell
Michael Martin
Tim Dunn
Natasha Rothwell
Cody Lindquist
Kirk D’amato
Jonathan DeMuth
Don Fanelli
Amber Petty
Mike Still

Book and Lyrics by Achilles Stamatelaky
Music by Ari Scott
Directed by Ryan Karels

The show is SOLD OUT but there will be STAND-BY LINE!

So stand-by… FOR JESUS!

Above: At our tech rehearsal, writer Achilles sings and...

Thu, 14 Jul 2011 11:39:40 -0400

Above: At our tech rehearsal, writer Achilles sings and kicks… FOR JESUS! (photo by Sarah “I Hate Satan” Claspell)

The Kirk Cameron Repertory Players Presents: A Harry Potter Musical! is now SOLD OUT!

But if you want to see the show — AND BE SAVED — we will have a stand-by line. Because God doesn’t give up on anyone! (Unless you’re REALLY gay, in which case He thinks you’re a lost cause!)

So don’t go to that silly Harry Potter movie and instead come to The Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre on Friday, July 15th at 7:30 PM and change your lifestyle choices!

Some guy named G found our flyer stuck to a garbage can...

Wed, 13 Jul 2011 16:25:00 -0400

Some guy named G found our flyer stuck to a garbage can somewhere in New York City and advertised it on his website! (Full story here)

GOD WORKS IN MYSTERIOUS WAYS, PEOPLE!

If you want to be like G — maybe G stands for GOD??? — then make reservations for The Kirk Cameron Repertory Players Present: A Harry Potter Musical! on Friday, July 15th at 7:30 PM at The Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre!

It’s almost sold out, so you should MAKE RESERVATIONS NOW!

Here’s a picture from a recent rehearsal. WOW! LOOK AT...

Wed, 13 Jul 2011 11:59:00 -0400

Here’s a picture from a recent rehearsal.

WOW! LOOK AT ALL THOSE GOD-FEARING, WITCHCRAFT-HATING PEOPLE!

Reservations are almost gone for our show, The Kirk Cameron Repertory Players Present: A Harry Potter Musical!

The show is this Friday, July 15th at 7:30 PM at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre.

So what are you waiting for? For Hell to freeze over??? (That won’t happen for at least another few years!)

MAKE YOUR RESERVATIONS NOW!

NOOOO! The U.S. premiere of Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows...

Tue, 12 Jul 2011 12:47:16 -0400

NOOOO!

The U.S. premiere of Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows Part 2 was last night! Which means that SATAN IS AT OUR DOORSTEP, PEOPLE!!!

We can’t let this continue! The only way to save our children from learning about witchcraft and magic is to eliminate it from our lives and replace it with THE BIBLE!

You can help do your part by coming to The Kirk Cameron Repertory Players Present: A Harry Potter Musical!

We guarantee our show will be better than the movie because you WON’T GO TO HELL AFTERWARDS!

The show is this Friday, July 15th at 7:30 PM at The Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre. Tickets are going fast so

MAKE YOUR RESERVATIONS NOW!!!

An exclusive rehearsal outtake from The Kirk Cameron Repertory...

Mon, 11 Jul 2011 12:08:33 -0400

An exclusive rehearsal outtake from The Kirk Cameron Repertory Players Present: A Harry Potter Musical!

What amazingly talented musicians who also happen to HATE WITCHCRAFT!

The show is THIS FRIDAY at 7:30 PM at The Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre!

MAKE YOUR RESERVATIONS NOW!!!

totalfilm: Rupert Grint feels “empty and lost” now Potter’s...

Fri, 08 Jul 2011 17:43:31 -0400

totalfilm:

Rupert Grint feels “empty and lost” now Potter’s over

Rupert Grint is having a difficult time letting go of the Harry Potter films, saying that he feels “empty and lost”.

Many people are feeling a bit glum in the wake of the franchise’s final release, but none more so than Grint as he told the press:

“I loved every minute of it, and I’m really going to miss it. I felt empty and a bit lost, and it’s taken me a while to accept it’s over…”

You feel “empty” and “lost” after doing 8 movies about magic and witchcraft?

No surprise here!

Rupert: The only thing that can make your life worth it is by now investing your time and energy into something more fulfilling than a lucrative and iconic film franchise.

So, put down that Harry Potter script and pick up that BIBLE! It might not tell you how to play your scene, but it will tell you how to LIVE YOUR LIFE!!!

And, while you’re at it, why not go see The Kirk Cameron Repertory Players Present: A Harry Potter Musical! on Friday, July 15th at 7:30 PM at The Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre???

MAKE RESERVATIONS NOW!

Our show is featured in WNYC’s listings of Harry...

Fri, 08 Jul 2011 12:00:05 -0400

Our show is featured in WNYC’s listings of Harry Potter-related events!

Here is the description from their website:

Leave it to the Upright Citizens Brigade (UCB) to turn your lamentations into laughter after the final Potter credits have rolled. The theater’s first installment of Potter-themed UCB entertainment, “A Harry Potter Musical,” presents a curious addition to Potter’s traditional mix of characters: Jesus. The Kirk Cameron Repertory Players will perform their take on Rowling’s series, in which evil wizards face off against the man himself. This satirical show may deviate slightly (read: almost entirely) from the series’ original text, but it is sure to be entertaining in its own right. The musical theater performance begins at 7:30 p.m. on Friday, July 15. Reserve tickets — which are highly recommended — are $10 each. Upright Citizens Brigade, Manhattan.

Satire??? There’s NOTHING satirical about our show! It is completely true and real and honest!

So if you despise how people are being exposed to dark magic and Satanism, then please come to our show.

MAKE YOUR RESERVATIONS NOW!

We are featured in a magazine called “TimeOutNY” for...

Thu, 07 Jul 2011 13:04:00 -0400

We are featured in a magazine called “TimeOutNY” for their Harry Potter events listing next week.

Here is their description of our show:

Even though J.K. Rowling’s series is full of witchcraft, dark magic and hormonal teenagers, that doesn’t mean that evangelical groups can’t enjoy the books too! Okay, it probably does. But that’s why the Kirk Cameron Repertory Players have created A Harry Potter Musical (Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre, 307 W 26th St between Eighth and Ninth Aves; ucbtheatre.com; July 15 at 7:30pm; $10)—it’s actually a spoof by UCBT performers—which features Potter-inspired tunes with overtly conservative Christian themes. And yes, there will be references to Kirk Cameron.

A SPOOF???

This is REAL, folks! Our message is as real as the existence of GOD HIMSELF!!!

If you don’t believe us, then see for yourself! (Because seeing is believing! Unless you are God.)

Make reservations for The Kirk Cameron Repertory Players Present: A Harry Potter Musical! on Friday, July 15th at 7:30 PM at The Upright Citizens Brigade!

MAKE YOUR RESERVATIONS NOW!

Stephen Hawking says there is no heaven! And Kirk Cameron lays...

Thu, 07 Jul 2011 12:23:31 -0400

Stephen Hawking says there is no heaven!

And Kirk Cameron lays the smackdown on him by saying Yes, There IS!!!

“Professor Hawking is heralded as ‘the genius of Britain,’ yet he believes in the scientific impossibility that nothing created everything and that life sprang from non-life.” The former teen heartthrob steamed to TMZ. “Why should anyone believe Mr. Hawking’s writings if he cannot provide evidence for his unscientific belief that out of nothing, everything came?”

YES!!! (Click the picture above for more information on this showdown!)

If you want more where that came from, then check out The Kirk Cameron Repertory Players Present: A Harry Potter Musical! on Friday, July 15th at 7:30 PM at The Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre! You’ll get a dose of the truth, just like Stephen Hawking did!

If you think you’re so smart, then you wouldn’t mind being corrected by the TRUTH!

MAKE RESERVATIONS NOW!

At a recent rehearsal, Don rocks out — but NOT with his...

Wed, 06 Jul 2011 12:03:05 -0400

At a recent rehearsal, Don rocks out — but NOT with his “cock out” because that would be against God’s laws and, frankly, downright impractical.

We are inching ever-closer to The Kirk Cameron Repertory Players Present: A Harry Potter Musical!

So what are you waiting for??? The Rapture??? That’s not until October!

The show is on Friday, July 15th at 7:30 PM at The Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre.

MAKE RESERVATIONS NOW!!!

This week’s Entertainment Weekly magazine features more...

Tue, 05 Jul 2011 13:15:00 -0400

This week’s Entertainment Weekly magazine features more articles about Harry Potter than you can shake a cross-shaped stick at!

THIS IS WRONG!

Where is Jesus and God in the pages of this “entertainment magazine?” The only things we consider “entertainment” are unoffensive Christian guitar-rock, the works of Kirk Cameron (of course!), reading about — or watching — sinners BURN IN HELL!

So don’t pick up this magazine. You’d be promoting witchcraft and Satanism if you do! Instead, pick up your computer, log on to the internet, and make reservations for some real Fundamentalist Christian entertainment: The Kirk Cameron Repertory Players Present: A Harry Potter Musical!

The show is on Friday, July 15th at 7:30 PM at The Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre.

MAKE YOUR RESERVATIONS NOW!!!

On this July 4th weekend, as you go outdoors under the baking...

Fri, 01 Jul 2011 12:28:08 -0400

On this July 4th weekend, as you go outdoors under the baking sun and stand next to hot ashy barbecue grills, just remember that those are probably signs that God doesn’t like you and that you’re going to burn in Hell.

So consider staying FIREPROOF this weekend by doing the following things:

Stay indoors and don’t go out and “have fun.”
While indoors, DON’T read books to your kids that involve powerful beings doing horrible things to innocent people; or tells a story of ‘disciples’ who willingly follow a radical leader; or contains superstition in any way. Read The Bible instead!
Watch the movie Fireproof!
Make reservations for The Kirk Cameron Repertory Players Present: A Harry Potter Musical! on Friday, July 15th at 7:30 PM at The Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre!

MAKE RESERVATIONS NOW!

Above: Ari and Michael at a recent rehearsal for The Kirk...

Thu, 30 Jun 2011 13:21:00 -0400

Above: Ari and Michael at a recent rehearsal for The Kirk Cameron Repertory Players Present: A Harry Potter Musical!

Below: HELL!

You don’t want to go to Hell, do you??? Ari and Michael certainly don’t.

You can see the both of them be awesome in the name of Christ — and NOT in the name of Harry Potter, witchcraft, or Satanism — on Friday, July 15th at 7:30 PM at The Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre.

MAKE YOUR RESERVATIONS NOW!

LOOK! SEXXXXX! Hidden in plain sight in the credits of a Harry...

Wed, 29 Jun 2011 12:13:09 -0400

LOOK!

SEXXXXX! Hidden in plain sight in the credits of a Harry Potter movie!!!

We need to stop this!

Come to The Kirk Cameron Repertory Players Present: A Harry Potter Musical! to find out how to stop such SIN from infiltrating the minds of our children!

Our show is on Friday, July 15th at 7:30 PM at The Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre.

MAKE RESERVATIONS NOW!

In this video, Kirk Cameron causes an atheist to question his...

Tue, 28 Jun 2011 11:49:24 -0400

In this video, Kirk Cameron causes an atheist to question his disbelief in God and his belief in Darwinism!

That’s what could happen if YOU come to our show, The Kirk Cameron Repertory Players Present: A Harry Potter Musical!

You will question EVERYTHING you believe in! You will, for example, ask the following questions:

Why in the heck do I love these Harry Potter books?
That man that I’m having homosexual sex with— should I really keep having sex with him?
Why do I keep watching Leonardo Dicaprio movies???

You’ll only find the answer to these questions IN CHRIST.

The show is at The Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre on Friday, July 15th at 7:30 PM.

MAKE YOUR RESERVATIONS NOW!

Music! Temptation! Snakes! All are part of The Kirk Cameron...

Mon, 27 Jun 2011 12:09:00 -0400

Music!

Temptation!

Snakes!

All are part of The Kirk Cameron Repertory Players Present: A Harry Potter Musical!

Doesn’t that sound exciting??? If it does, then make sure to see our show at The Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre on Friday, July 15th at 7:30 PM!

If it doesn’t sound exciting, then good luck BURNING IN HELL!!!

MAKE YOUR RESERVATION NOW!

Last night, the New York State Senate passed a law that allows...

Sat, 25 Jun 2011 14:22:05 -0400

Last night, the New York State Senate passed a law that allows homosexual marriage in that state.

It also allows SATAN TO TAKE OVER NEW YORK AND FOR GOD TO UNLEASH HIS WRATH ALL OVER THE WORLD!!!

With all this talk of gays marrying and the Harry Potter movie coming out, it’s the perfect time for The Kirk Cameron Repertory Players to visit New York and show you all our Harry Potter Musical!

This life-changing show will be on Friday, July 15th at 7:30 PM at The Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre. Don’t be gay — watch the show.

MAKE YOUR RESERVATIONS NOW!

We are THREE short weeks away from the return of The Kirk...

Fri, 24 Jun 2011 15:03:00 -0400

We are THREE short weeks away from the return of The Kirk Cameron Repertory Players Present: A Harry Potter Musical!

If you come to the show, you can call Friday, July 15th at 7:30 PM the date and time when your life changed and you can consider The Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre the place where it all happened!

MAKE YOUR RESERVATIONS NOW!

One of our cast members, Michael Kayne, in deep thought during a...

Thu, 23 Jun 2011 16:48:51 -0400

One of our cast members, Michael Kayne, in deep thought during a recent rehearsal. Is he reading scripture?

PROBABLY!

If you want to think deeply about your own life and eliminate magic, witchcraft, and satanism from it, then make reservations for The Kirk Cameron Players Present: A Harry Potter Musical! The show is on Friday, July 15th at 7:30 PM, which is the same day the final movie comes out. (What a coincidence!)

MAKE RESERVATIONS NOW!